Helpful Thought
All directions lead to your future.
My Quitting Journey Was a Mess
Sometimes when you talk to someone who has already quit smoking, it seems like it was probably easy for them. One day, they just did it. And now they’re living happily ever after. Forever. While you still smell like an ashtray.
God, this mythical, ex-smoker sucks. S/he seems like a real know-it-all.
But that’s not how it happened.
Joseph Campbell’s concept of the “Hero’s Journey” comes from his book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces. The Hero’s Journey breaks down mythical storytelling into twelve steps that are often presented in a circle but thought of in Hollywood as an arc (with all the big action happening at the high point of the curve). They start with a protagonist in the ordinary world who receives a call to action. Along the way, there are mentors and tests. Stories that follow this template often end with the return home, presumably victorious. But Joseph Campbell believed that women don’t need a hero’s journey. Those are only for men. So we’re not going to get too hung up on his version of the journey here.
Still, it’s worth thinking about this endeavor to Quit as a journey and remembering that, like most trips from here to there, it doesn’t follow a perfectly straight line.
When I first began writing about quitting smoking, I wrote down the steps of my own journey:
Before
I smoked for 30 years.
I knew I needed to quit.
I believed I would need to be locked up for an extended period to get free of cigarettes. Why hasn’t anyone invented Quit Smoking jail?! Well, that’s rehab, hun.
During
I joined a 12-step program.
I quit.
I relapsed.
I went to a rational behavior therapy (RBT/CBT) addiction group.
I quit again.
I relapsed.
I found a “Mindfulness Training for Smokers” program through my local hospital.
I quit again.
I relapsed.
I quit again.
After
I stayed quit. It’s been six and a half years now. I occasionally think about how fun smoking used to seem sometimes, but I never want a cigarette.
I finally found the right combination of strategies and tactics that worked for me.
In the midst of this “During” period, I thought I was fucked. But when I look back on it now, I can see that each step really did take me closer to the destination.
One of the key strategies I used was to change my identity. I’ve since learned that identity is a key to lasting behavior change. Now, I’m a non-smoker. So I don’t smoke. Period. You can be one too. I’m here to help.
Wow, I love this!!
I love seeing how you've mapped out the steps of your journey, each one of which could clearly be its own chapter filled with experience, observation, and advice.
One thing you are careful to repeat is that you found the approach(es) that worked for you and that there isn't one road map that works for everyone. In your talks with other ex-smokers, have you been surprised by how others put the pieces together for themselves? What similarities and difference between your experience and theirs have you discovered?
And I agree with you that the identity piece may be the most powerful things in the process. How much of your identity reflection and work was forward, present, and future focused? For me, the future was key -- imagining the kind of life I wanted to live, a life without smoking. I'd love to read more of your experience and thoughts on this!